


The Big Bang

by TheLunarSquad



Series: THE BIG BANG BYOOOM [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Copypasta, Helicopters, Kawaii, Multi, Parody, Sakura Nochte Destiny Aurelia Walker, Super Buff Seme Limbs, Trigonometry, Yaoi, chicken strips, fluent wapanese, gapsing, hot stuff, lol, math on the upper layer of skin, origins of the human race, vague allusions to other amines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:23:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3640104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLunarSquad/pseuds/TheLunarSquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>YAOI BOYXBOY DONT LIKE DONT READ LIME WARNING . #SUPER NSFW #SUPER TANGY LEMON Sorry I suck at summaries. It’s better on the inside, definitely! R&R!!!!NO FLAMES!!!!! MY FIRST STORY SO PLEASE GO EASY ON ME XD WARNING PEDO!LENA !MPREG !YUMMY CITRUS</p><p>*Revamped and remodeled for Archiveofourown. Originally on fanfic.net*</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Big Bang

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MY NAKAMA](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=MY+NAKAMA).



> Allen: Come on lets get to the story I wanna do some super fun stuff with waifu-kun  
> Kanda: Che  
> Allen: Aw, Kanda really loves me, his che is so kawaii  
> Me: *nosebleeds* Aww so kawaii!!!!!!!!! !! Desu yo!  
> Allen: Sakura - chan doesn't own the story  
> Me: NANDATO!!!!??! YES I DOOOO!!!!  
> Kanda: Che! No she doesn't  
> Me: *sobs* The characters are actually not mine...they belong to the great god, Hoshino-sama!!!!!!! *whispers* BUT... if I owned the story, Kanda and Allen would have a million babies together!!! So kawaii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> Kanda: WTF?????????  
> Allen: O.O  
> Allen: Anyways…..We have to start the story!! Go Sakura-chan!!
> 
> (BTW I AM SAKURA-CHAN!!!! HOPE YOU LOVE THE STORY!!)

Allen is the angsty one who cries first.  


Then leans on Kanda's broad rippling shoulders.  


Kanda hesitantly fedangles his arms around the adolescent whitenette.  


There bodies twist around like seaweed when a person eats it while they watch Boku no Pico-chan...  


And Kanda is dead.  


The reason Allen was happy was because he was with Kanda. But he wasn't happy because Lavi was also there. Lavi only liked girls though, and he felt awkward around the two super hot gay men. Lavi ran away because he saw a girl radiating beauty like Celine Dion "Strike!"  


"I love you Kanda," the whitenette said, blushing super high school level hard.  


Kanda was all like "You're so kawaii!!"  


Kanda pat Allen's head. Kanda sultrily let down his luscious indigo tresses.  


Allen couldn't tell if this was his kokoro or body speaking. Allen was drawn to the she-ningen like I am to super steamy Harry Potter x fem!Percy Jackson fanfictions.  


"Stupid BaKanda. Making me feel like this" Allen did that super kawaii tsundere look that he thought the other shounen would suki desu.  


...Doki Doki… His kokoro beat like his impending death.

“My kokoro can't take it Yuu!!”  


Kanda caressed his precious Moyashi’s lily-white skin and silky ivory locks, kept voluminous with Allen's daily special routine when he takes some chicken strips, fresh out of the oven ,and rubs them in his scalp. “Moyashi” he growled throaty. He smirked, “I'll be super gentle. I promise.”  


All of a sudden Lavi came bursting in, screaming at the top of his voice, whilst his hands flailed around like a wet salmon out of water. “OMG. GUYS. A HELICOPTER CRASHED INTO LENA-TAN. AND LIKE, TOTES KILLED HER!!!!!”  


Allen gapsed. “Oh My God!!!!” Kanda scoffed. “Good riddance"  


Lavi was all like, “Thank Kamisama for this great thing he did for all of Minna-san.”  


“KAMISAMA ISN'T REAL YOU NITTWICK” Komui-kun yelled with much anger as he charged face first into the two extremely sweaty, naked, mens' ripped pectorals.  


Kanda used his super gay seme powers and stared deeply into the baka-Moyashi’s deep shimmering silver orbs. “Che. Allen-kun. Get ur fuckin' dick to the helicopter we must escape this place“ Kanda stepped over Lenalee's charred corpse. "Gross.“ He exclaimed with much power, power over 9000. “Moyashi” Kanda grunted curtly as Komui sobbed.  


Allen was all like “NO KANDA-KUN I NEED MORE SEX!!!!” He screamed with much passion. There was a ton of emphasis on the need, as much expected from the meek whitenette's fake face. Also he said it with so much passion because he cared sooooooooooooooooo much for his nakama-sans.  


The bara katana wielder would have “Che’d” off anybody else, but the bluenette softened at his Moyashi's insistence. “Anything for you",” he leaned down and whispered in Allen's ear. “The hot buttsex shall commence." His gaze turned dark and super sexy, and Kanda's deep raven orbs did that swishy thing in anime where the white stuff goes woosh woosh over the eyes, which actually were his op seme powers extruding from his eye holes.  


Lenalee's zombie body woke up and froze when she saw the hot sex right on top of her charred remains. "OMG YOU GUYS" she exclaimed "KA ME HA M----------" She was cut short by her super gushing burst of hentai blood pooling from the deathly hollows of her nose.  
Komui rejoiced. “My beautiful Lena-chan!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew my Eternal Life serum would work! ! I love you so much Lenalee .”  


Kanda glared at Komui. If looks could kill, the mad scientist would be dead 11037 times over.  


“Excuse me, but the BakaMoyashi and I were having some sugoi buttSEX. Don’t be rude.”  


Allen was sad becuse his quality kokoro connecting time with favorite tsundere bluenette was totally interrupted “RUDE,” he sobbed and hugged onto Yuu's enticingly rippling pelvis “神田私はあなたがそんなに私は桜の花びらが世界を飛び回る長い間あなたのリッピング腹部すべての日に睡眠をしたい愛し、私たちは一晩中、スーパーセクシーなセックスをしてなどを私はあなたがアレン-loserくんを残すべきだと思う” desu  


Kanda smirked and coiled his Super Buff Seme Limbs around his lover-kun “我爱你很多“”he smileto 他地小豆芽。 你地演京多么明亮 三pelal三大件磷矿粉离开后随风倒克拉罚款就阿随风倒加快立法速度哈工后来人很多房客护理嘎烤炉和日鲁阿格里”  


他笑。笑很大因为它是一个笨狒狒的屁眼真沒耐性的佛祖狗操的同性恋者跟猴子比丟屎!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  


Komui exclaimed with a shit ton of amazingness, “Woah Kanda I don't give a single fuck literally and you’re such a 笨蛋prick you slutty whore on legs that only wants to suck kawaii-desu uke Allen's dick. You have the smarts of a hollow bamboo, and the pelvis of Neptune when he was resurrected from the depths of this big ass ocean with all its big ass trees with it. Also, my sister is still super duper sugoi-desu because her cute little arm is falling into the ukecopter.”

Kanda was mad. “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, kono chibi ama? I’ll have you know Watashi graduated top of my class in the 104th training squad, and I’ve been involved in numerous himitsu raids on The Akatsuki, and I have over 9000 confirmed korosus. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Nihon armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. Boku will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Sekai, mark my fucking kotonoha. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the xtransceiver? Think again, fuckerbaka. As we speak Watashi wa am contacting my himitsu network of spies across Hoenn and your Trainer ID is being traced right haikyu now, so you better prepare for the tsunder storm, teme. The tsunder storm that wipes out the pathetic chibi thing you call your jinsei. You’re fucking shiinda, kid. Boku can be anywhere, anytime, and Boku can kira you in over nana hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare migi. Not only am Boku extensively trained in Magic: The Gathering, but Boku has access to the entire Beyblade arsenal of the Syndicate Survey Corps, and Boku will use it to its full extent to wipe kimi wa les miserables ass off the face of the sekai, you chibi shit. If only omae wa could have known what unholy equivalent exchange your chibi “sugoi” comment was about to bring down upon kimi, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, omae kamisamadamn baka. Ore wa will shit fury all over kimi wa and kimi wa will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo desu che.”  


With that Kanda eloped with his new waifu on their helicopter as they nyoomed over to his homeland Japan in the city of New Fransokyo. They bought a modest house on the tsuki and lived as they had super san hot secx every day, but everyday was eternal cause there were no yoru. When they wanted to sleep they went to the shady side of the moon and ate caviar with the martians, and worked on mining precious iron ore from the center of the moon. Then they would eat the ore because it was rich in iron.  


EPI-LOG (epidermal logarithm)

Where they are now that Kanda and Allen have amazing secx and cosx (this doesn’t really happen though because Kanda always is on top and we all know that cosx is inverted secx lolz) and they don't because they are ugly, just like Kanda’s mother.

Lenalee is a super kawaii desu zombie with her sugoi hot Bookman-kun (the old one btw, not PEDOPHILIA because they love eachother... lol wut). They stared into the shining tsuki reminiscing their missing nakama.  


Komui sobbed in corner forgotten. “No...my innocent Lena-chan has been corrupted….sniff. *sniff* Komui cried into eternity, a small shinigami came to pick him up but was like “ew, look at this trash why didn't someone take it into the shrekder like 6 years ago. Dude ew. Shit. Ew. Jfc.”  


Ryuk took the shitty ass trash and threw it into the really hot bottoms of Tartarus whilst his soul decomposed into a million pointy ass shards of despair. His sora ao optics failed to pierce the heavens, and the super de duper sugoi kokoros of all of his faps.  


Lavi continued his journey into finding the center of the universe, but found it was truly in his kokoro the whole time, because the whole damned universe revolves around his lame ass kokoro, that little akagepatsu assshit.  


Kanda and Allen lived happily ever after on the moon and only cheated on each other a few times with the martians because they were super hot aliens from space. Kanda and Allen wanted a child so they had a beautiful child together with Allen's silky white hair, and Kanda's constipated face. The day of the delivery was hectic like hell because it was going to come out the ass and it was like taking a huge ass-shit for 10 hours. Allen's butt hurt a ton after, but he was happy with his kawaii baby.

Minna-san lived together on earth as they flew their hoverboards across distant oceans and flew to the far reaches of the galaxy. Then someone destroyed the moon and killed Allen and Kanda's child. So Allen and Kanda blew them all up. They proceeded to do the Big Bang and a super coolio new universe was born. So therefore since the universe is their child, we are all the products of one super hot night between these amazing homos.

History doth naught date back this far, but historians believe the universe all started with super hot, gay sex.

**Author's Note:**

> I will be doing this for all of my stories!!! CAN'T WAIT
> 
> *edit* fixed html cause it didn't include line breaks...


End file.
